Crisis of Confidence
The other night, my lovely teen asked to go for a drive—just the two of us. The car has become a safe space where they can talk and express emotions without the pressure of eye contact or social niceties. It was the second time they had requested a drive that week. After a few minutes, I realised a common theme was emerging: a crisis of confidence.
It's a tough place for a teen to be—feeling lost in their own story, overshadowed, or burdened by expectations. The weight of comparison, whether with siblings, peers, or even their own self-imposed standards, can be crushing.
Helping teens rebuild confidence takes patience, encouragement, and intentional strategies. Here are some effective approaches:
Identify Strengths, even small ones, by pointing out what they do well, and helping them to try new activities to discover hidden talents.
Challenge Negative Self-Talk. How would they reframe such statements? Encourage the them to write down small wins - from doing homework to making a friend smile.
Focus on Progress, Not Perfection. Many teens feel the pressure to be the best at everything. Rather than focusing on wanting to win, focus on improvement, praising effort and perseverance, not just results.
Reduce Comparisons. This is not easy in a world of social media, and when there are siblings. Encourage breaks from platforms that trigger self-doubt, and help them to set goals based on their own interests rather than others' achievements.
Give Them Autonomy and Responsibility. Confidence grows with capability, so let them lead and be involved in decision making rather than simply expected to follow along. Encourage independence with small responsibilities such as budgeting for something they want, organising how to get to and from an even they want to attend.
Create a Safe Space for Expression. This can be difficult in a busy house or when there are lots of activities. Teens needs a space where they are listened to and not judged, where they can be simply heard with having solutions immediately offered to them. Creative outlets such as writing, music, art, sport, gaming can help them express themselves.
Help Redefine Success as more than just grade or trophies. Find what excites your teen and support them in that pursuit, celebrating the small wins which can be as simple as showing up and trying.
Confidence is built through many small steps, and the journey is rarely a straight line. As parents and carers, it can be exhausting as we struggle to determine the next steps, set goals, or find a way forward.
Rech out and let’s talk about how we can work together to help overcome each crisis of confidence. for You and your teen.